Burden of Love
by justanotherfic
Summary: Han and Leia are forced to sacrifice more to the war than they ever bargained for.
1. Burden of Love

Raging flames licked the battered hull of the old freighter, lighting up the nearby houses and the sky above. A young child, not older than five, came staggering out of the debris, stumbling over a piece of metal that had been ripped off the hull at touch-down. He gave a cry, falling head-first into a pile of old leaves and dust. His face was dirty, blackened by the ashes from the steelplas burning. He was coughing furiously, and bleeding from a gash on his bare elbow. Other children came crawling out from the fallen ship: a boy and a girl, in similar jump-suits, hand in hand, other boys, older, stronger, tried to help freeing their younger siblings and friends from the heavy metal plates, without much luck. Some girls were crying; they were all bleeding, dirty from the ashes. The boy and the girl in the jump-suits made their way over to the child, their brother. The flames roared, and threatened to spread to the piles of dust and debris. The three siblings looked out over the inferno, too frightened to move. The smoke and consequently the flames started moving their way, forcing them away against their will. The other kids were yelling, panicking as they realized their efforts weren't helping. Some were yelling for their parents; others merely whimpering, clearly in shock. Some children had gotten out the fire-extinguisher's and were desperately trying to put out the fire. There was no use. The boy looked up at his brother and sister, their faces were cold, set in a deadly calm. Their eyes frightened him even more than the flames did. He watched them move closer to help. Their special powers making it easier for them. The boy sank to his knees, feeling cold, although heated by the fire. He had only thoughts for one thing, and that was his daddy.

General Han Solo watched the Mon Calamari cruisers before him descend to the dry-dock, and felt his own cruiser do the same. He had never expected Warlord Dunn to be so foolish as to attack the capital, but the imperials never failed to surprise him. The planetary defence on Coruscant had always been among the highest in the galaxy, Han thought gloomily, but that obviously hadn't been enough. The planet below him was spotted with burning catastrophes; buildings in flames where fighters and fleeing civilian ships had crashed. Somewhere down there were his three children. The thought of them made his stomach twist with anxiety and agony. He didn't know what he'd do if anything happened to them, they were his life now, and without them he couldn't live. The clattering of boots against the hard floor woke him from his thoughts and he turned around to face the visitor.

"Luke!" Han pulled the younger man into an embrace. "I didn't know you'd docked with us." Luke's face hardened, and Han guessed the kid had heard about the twins and Anakin.

"Winter contacted me shortly after the battle was over." Luke stated as if he had heard Han's thoughts. "She said that the kids' ship had been shot down, and she thought I could help. She said Leia was too upset to be able to sense much more than that they were alive." Han's eyes focussed on the Jedi.

"Can you sense them too? Leia wasn't just making things up?" Luke shook his head.

"The Force is strong in all of us. Leia would know for certain if they were harmed, as would I. They're fine, Han, they're scared, but alright." Han nodded, obviously too relieved to say anything and he watched as his cruiser neatly slide into the dock.

"Captain!" He said, addressing a young Mon Calamarian to his left. "You have the bridge. I'm gonna take a team and go down with the _Falcon_ and see if I can help in the rescues." Without waiting for the man to answer Han, closely followed by his brother-in-law, fled the bridge.

He coughed hard, and tried covering his face in order to prevent the stingy smoke from getting to his eyes. All of the ship was burning now, four children, the pilot and the nurses still inside. He had long since lost track of his brother and sister, but he was too tired to worry about where they were. Maybe they were inside the ship, he didn't know. He was hungry, tired and the smoke burned his lungs. All he wanted was to be at home with his mommy, daddy, Jaina and Jacen. He heard the distant hum of engines, familiar, but yet strange to him. He wanted to believe his daddy was coming to save him, but there was still smoke and pain and fire, and he knew it wasn't true. Moving further away from the fire he found another pile of leaves and he lay down. He was so tired, if he could only sleep a little... Maybe his daddy would be there when he woke up.

It was hard to see anything at all through the thick smoke and the raging fires. Children were lying everywhere and Han ordered his soldiers to help them get aboard the _Falcon_. They got to their task quickly, making sure all the children got clean air and water to drink. Han was searching frantically for his children. Luke had said they were here and was walking a few steps to Han's right. Han had never seen Luke be mistaken, but after finding child after child that was not his Han started doubting. Some of his soldiers had started examining the burning freighter, crawling in between the hot metal plates where the fire had been extinguished. When they came out carrying children Han knew he was close to panicking. A young girl of approximately seven years lay lifeless in one of the soldier's arms.

"Jaina?" He whispered, getting ready to throw himself into the ship to get her brother who would most surely be in there with her. He felt a hand on his arm, two calming eyes met his, and he turned his head away.

"They're not in there." The Jedi said, continuing to walk. "I can still sense the twins strongly. Anakin's not there either." Han studied Luke. At times he wanted that Force of his too. Being able to sense that Leia or the kids were alright had to be the most comforting feeling in the world. Something he would give everything he owned to have. However, he guessed it had a backside too. Luke could sense whenever one of them was in pain, and the feeling of knowing one of them had died had to be awful. The emptiness had to be incomprehensible. Han shook the thought off. He would like to know for himself that his kids were alright, but that feeling of emptiness he never wanted to experience.

"Daddy!" The chorus of voices caused him to stop dead in his tracks. He played the greeting over and over in his head as he hugged his children. Feeling them in his arms he instantly recognized what was wrong. Anakin was missing. Han kissed them and hugged them close.

"I love you, I'm so glad you're alright." His heart felt lighter, having found the twins, but yet he was aching with worry for Anakin. "Where's your brother?" They looked at each other, trying to remember when they'd seen him, if they'd seen him at all.

"We don't know daddy." Jaina answered finally. "We tried to help getting the other kids out of the fire." She looked around, probably searching after her brother with the Force, judging by the determined look on her face. "I think we left him over there." She said and pointed helpfully. "He's too little to help." Han left them in the able care of the soldiers, desperate to find his son. Luke had disappeared somewhere to his left, but Han wasn't sure if that meant anything. He could merely be checking to see if he was alright, or he might have found another child down there that nobody had noticed.

"Anakin!" He called, seeing Luke appear again, without a child. "Anakin! Luke do you know where he is?" The flames were close to them now, spreading in a crescent from the ship. Skywalker was shaking his head.

"No, he's too weak. He's here somewhere, but I can't say exactly." Han dashed off to the right leaving Luke to cover the area in front of them. The deserted industrial plaza echoed with a father's cries for his son.

It was cold. The flames almost licked at the soles of his feet, but he felt so cold. All he wanted was to sleep. If he could only close his eyes... He heard them call his name, but he couldn't respond. His lungs hurt so much. The voices came closer. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if he slept just a little, they were so close. They would find him. Daddy would come. He curled his feet closer to his chest, rolling away from the fire. Just a tiny little nap... He took a deep breath and the glazy eyes closed.

Han sank to his knees in front of the boy, cradling him in his arms. He couldn't keep himself from crying and he held the boy close, rocking him in his arms. On the other side of the plaza the Jedi Knight had stopped searching, standing straight watching the father and his son. The twins were watching too, big-eyed, silent, confused. Far away in a distant part of the planet, a mother already weighted down by the hardships of the galaxy, was given yet another burden to shoulder; a burden which love would never allow her to rid again.


	2. The Saviour

It was dark. The cold was unbelievable, and his teeth clattered against each other painfully. He was alone, and it was dark. So terribly, frightingly dark. He was afraid, the dark seemed threatening and it wanted to eat him alive. Wherever he looked he just saw darkness. What had happened to the voices he had just heard? Where was his daddy now? He had felt the strong, secure arms lift him from the ground, out of the blazingly cold fires. He had heard him scream his name, kiss his head, his face, and held him tight. Where was he now? Daddy? Where was his daddy?

---------------

Luke watched his brother-in-law sink to his knees in front of the little boy. The Force was growing uncomfortable, overwhelming, threatening to overthrow the good of life, the peace of his world. No! The boy was slipping away from his grasp, like a slippery fish in the hands of an untrained fisherman. He felt like panicking, but a Jedi does not panic.

"Medic! We need a medic over here!" He yelled instead, causing several of the men in Han's rescue team to turn around. "Quickly!" They hurried over, and for that Luke was grateful, and would always be. All he could feel at that moment when time seemed to stop was fear. Fear and despair. He felt so empty, and he knew that he would not wish to be empty forever. He was powerless to death. There was nothing he could do; he couldn't hang on for someone else's sake. He couldn't fight the clutches of emptiness with reason, with logic, with calm. Nothing!

An arm stretched up towards him, followed by another and then quickly by two more. The emptiness was big enough for him to want to push the hands away, but they were empty too. More empty than he was, and probably more afraid.

"Uncle Luke?" One of them asked him through the haze. He didn't know which twin it was, and he probably never would. They broke into ragged sobs as he kneeled down to embrace them both. They wanted him to explain. He was supposed to be the one you could always trust, the calm one, and the reasonable, but what could he tell them? How do you tell two seven-year olds that light has left their future? Or is leaving? How do you explain that their little brother holds more potential than you have ever felt in someone before? That without him you know that you, as in the universe, might not survive? That sometime in the future, near or far, they will all need to depend on that little boy, and that if he dies now, all hope is lost? He closed his eyes and hugged them tight, throwing a glance at his brother-in-law and the child now surrounded by desperately working medics.

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It was still dark, but he could hear his father's voice. He was yelling at him… No… Yelling for him. _He's looking for me_. Something lit up inside him as he thought that. He no longer felt afraid, like if the dark wasn't as dark any longer. He clawed at the shadows that he could not see in the blackness, they were still strong, stronger than him, and they held him to the ground that wasn't beneath him, but he fought. He fought for his daddy, and his mommy, who loved him beyond reason. Who would hug him tight when he was sad, and who would tousle his hair and say that he was a good boy. For uncle Luke who would give him the funny look of love and amazement, and for Jacen and Jaina who would, sometimes, play with him and tell him their secrets. But no matter how he clawed and hit and bit and kicked the shadows only closed in on him. They were stronger, stronger than a little boy, stronger than even his daddy.

But not stronger than the Force.

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Leia held his hand harder. He was pale. Her little baby. All his life she had been afraid that he would be taken by the Dark Side, kidnapped and exploited because of his gift. His heritage. Never had she thought that her son, her little baby boy, would be lost to her in an accident. War-related accident, but accident none the less. She wanted to cry when she thought back to the moment she first knew that he was lost to her, but her tears were gone. Empty was the only word she needed to explain it. Empty and maybe shattered. Shattered like the pieces of Alderaan; shattered like glass Anakin had thrown on the floor in anger just hours before the attack began. His last words to her had been: I hate you mommy. Still, no tears came when she thought about it.

For so many long minutes had she thought that it was the last thing she would ever hear from him. Even though she knew that he had not meant it, it hurt. What if he thought that she did not love him? _My baby…_ She caressed the back of his small hand with her thumb, it was comfortingly warm. She felt a hand on her shoulder. A cup of herbal tea was put in front of her face and she accepted it with her other hand. The hand that wasn't squeezing Anakin's. Han. Her dear Han. She could not imagine what he had been through, finding the little boy… knowing that he was lost…

Thank the Force he found him!

Jaina and Jacen had been shocked. So had Luke. Still he had offered to take them home. That was when she knew that everything would be fine. Luke knew that Anakin would be well again, otherwise he would never have taken the twins and gone back to Han's battle cruiser. Leia knew, as Luke did, that Anakin was special. Luke would never have left if there was something that could still go wrong. The slightly rosy cheeks of her youngest child confirmed Luke's assertion. The Force was unusually strong in her little baby boy.

He stirred a little as Han sat down on the other side of the bed. He seemed to give one last fight. _Stubborn_, she thought lovingly and felt him squeeze her hand back. The tears returned as he opened his eyes slightly,

"Daddy… Mommy…?" And he fell back to sleep. Han, her strong, brave, solid Han, collapsed onto the bed in muffled sobs. His pent up emotions exploded out onto the beige blanket that covered their little boy's body. All she could do was cry with her husband.

Anakin was fine now.

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His knees grew soft. A weight came off his shoulders and suddenly he became aware of how hard he had had to fight to keep upright. Light flooded back into his heart, and into the Force, it overpowered him, spread into every corner of his being and he knew that everything, as in the universe, was fine now. There was no need to worry about the future. The Light, the Saviour had returned.

Anakin was fine now.


End file.
